Thursday, 31 January 2013


I memorize your face
Just in case I might miss you
The moment you turn away.

I memorize  the sound of your voice
To listen to when I'm feeling blue.

I memorize your touch
So I can have the warmest caress
At a moment's notice.

I miss you when we're apart
I miss you when we're together.
I miss you the very second I say
"I miss you."

But most of all,
When I say  I miss you
I really mean to say

Monday, 28 January 2013


A weary heart inside a broken soul,
Perpetual sorrow rarely given cure,
Revolving spheres of dismal expectations.

The sand beneath my feet
Crunching with each step
Deafening rantings I can barely control.

The floodgates are loosened,
Tears are rushing in,
Twin streaks of fiery pain,
Desperately seeking release off these emotional shackles.

And then,
A whiff of air blasts through,
Like an oracle predominantly displayed,
A rainbow amidst the storm.
Colors are beautifully merging,
Sounds are softly blending,
And stars are perfectly aligning,
A serene feeling descends.

My heart,
Be still.
Be still.


Monday, 21 January 2013


You're close enough for me to touch
                              Or could my mind be playing tricks on me again?
                                               Dream walking to where you are
                                                             As time stood still.
                                                Flitting images pass before me
                                          A myriad of colors drifting in and out.
                                                      Glaring at something
                                                     But not knowing what.
                                          A mirage that doesn't come alive.
                                         Leaving a hollow feeling deep inside.

                                                        I'm left in this place     
                                      Where you don't even remember me.
                                                   I am empty, I am numb
                                 Lose myself in countless dreams and images
                                         Wishing they may just be real
                                          And I'm really there with you.

                                               But just like yesterday
                                              And all the days before
                                   Only an imprint of you survives,

                                                  I SUFFER IN SILENCE.

                                                          asheil.July 9, 2011. Saturday.1415Hrs

Friday, 18 January 2013

Field of Dreams

A strange glow in the sky
Illuminating the despicable gloom.
Conquer the overwhelming shadows,
Or is it a dream?

A silent indignation of quiet discourse,
An engrossed conversation,
A constant resistance towards pure reflection,
Or is it a Dream?

A blinding Radiance
Descends upon this compassionate being.
To heal a broken soul seeking relief
Or is it a Dream?

Swiftly flowing like a stream
A graceful ripping at the seams,
Graciously moved me beyond the sweetest attempt.
Or is it a Dream?

Inclined to be delicate
Lest I am mistakenly swayed
To be insufferably amused
At something so desperate.
If I am to be believed.
Or is it a Dream?

A feeble attempt at Felicity
Foiled by something peculiar.
Only to be Victorious
Encouraged by a sudden surge of Faith and Courage.

I Dream No More.

---asheil.August 7, 2011. Sunday.2246Hrs.---

Saturday, 12 January 2013

A Sob Story

A music man sits idle,
Content to fiddle his broken violin.
An eerie symphony glides along the passageways,
Passes along the depths of my soul.
A weary sob arises.

An unwilling cry,
A hopeless longing,
An eternal desire,
But then so immensely scorned.

A haunting melody fills the air,
Just like a wounded bird
Whose cry dies deep in his heart,
So does I arise.

Only to fall back in the shadows

On my own,
I grieve.

((( asheil.august 5, 2011.friday.1650hrs.)))


Wednesday, 2 January 2013

PMS--Pity Me Syndrome

It seems like you're at the end of the road... your world is about to snap and thoughts rule your senses. The perspectives begin to crumble one by one. You're at the end of your tether. Life becomes monotonous; there is a sense of purposelessness. and yet, you have no idea when you become to be just a walking, unfeeling individual. You begin to view life as nothing more than just breathing in and out. somehow, you feel trapped. You want to cry but can't. Tears just won't come. But deep inside, you are falling apart. Outside, you are the quintessential example of strength. Inside, there's nothing but a hollow void nothing can fill. You go through the daily motions out of habit but without a touch of sense or purpose.And the meaning of life has become a dried up wishing well.

How often do we succumb to this situation. This deep feeling of being embittered; resentful and defeated. The human mind is so complex, it can conjure deep thoughts that somehow just overpower your own sense of self belief. It's not a pretty feeling. It eats at your soul. It's as if the whole world is crashing in on you and you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Your woes, your troubles. You.You.You.

Such a narcissistic point of view, ain't it. Oftentimes, when we're experiencing turbulence in our life, only us matters. Nothing else. You become too engrossed in your woes,  the world takes a backseat. It's PMS written all over it. PITY ME SYNDROME.

But once in a while, sanity slaps you right back into reality. You come to a place where you realize your woes are a tiny fraction than what other people have. Insignificant even. You meet people who remind you that life is not about our own existence, but existing peacefully and meaningfully with others. 

I just went to the wake and funeral of my boss' mother, Nanay Lucila, who died at the age of 90. What struck me the most was that at the wake, I was expecting a solemn, sober affair. However, it was to my amazement that all 13 of her children, her grandchildren and family friends were not at all sad. Instead the wake was full of laughter and happy conversations. I asked one of her sons on the reason. He said his mom has asked them not to grieve so much but to celebrate her life. All she ever wanted was for all her sons to be there. And true indeed, I heard anecdotes on how kind she was; how well she treat people even those who have hurt her. I am deeply overwhelmed by the number of people who were there and it made me think that this woman must have been one hell of a lady when she was alive to merit all these people on her wake.  And during her funeral, there were at least close to 300 people to pay respects. 

Because you see, when we are under an enormous emotional upheaval, we are too focused on ourselves -- for a brief period, sometimes longer than necessary. When we make someone the center of our existence, we forget all other areas and people in our lives. They become peripheral entities to us; those tiny specks that dwell beyond our spheres of consciousness or concern. And when the equilibrium of this *bubble* is threatened, when the perfect world you created crumbles, you are shaken to the core. And all of a sudden, everything come rushing in. And you begin to see just how selfish you have become; neglecting the people that you should have given attention to.

It is up to us how we want to be remembered. At that standstill where everything comes to a close, we reminisce on how well we lived our life.

Everything comes to an end. Like a story. 

The ending depends on how well you have written your life. People often cry for lost times. And those that cry the most are those who have given less of their love when they had the chance.

 So, how do you want to be remembered when you pass away?